Sept. 11, 2001 – 20 Years Later

The entire day was something of a blur. There was much activity but not much that could be done in the SEOC to directly support New York City, Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon. Part of my focus that day was working with companies that were having challenges finding their employees who were in New York City. I would compare the level of concern I was hearing on the phone to a parent that had lost a child. The lack of verifiable situational awareness was breathtaking.

To this day I struggle to comprehend why the country had system failures like those that occurred with credit card processing. My car was out of gas and I wondered if I could even get home. Thankfully, I had $10 in my pocket and didn’t need to use a credit card to put gas in my car.

My day finished with trying to explain what was happening to my daughters. Amazingly hard when you, yourself, don’t clearly know what is happening.

That day shaped my job because it changed the mission of the department as we took on Iowa’s homeland security responsibilities. As a public information officer, I had to expand my job focus to educate the public about terrorism and how to prepare for a terrorist attack and we quickly began our outreach to the public by building a website and educational materials. It wasn’t long after 9/11 that states began receiving federal funding to build their capacity to prepare for, and respond to, terrorism. With that money came intense media scrutiny of how that money was being used in Iowa, and dealing with reporters during that time became a very challenging part of my job. 9/11 changed me as a person because it made me feel vulnerable and unsafe. I had never really thought about terrorism much and certainly didn’t worry about terrorists attacking America. Suddenly, the sound of a plane overhead, a backpack on a bench in a mall, a large truck parked at a government building, made me feel fearful. In 2003, I had the opportunity to begin studying homeland defense and security at the Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey, CA, as part of a program developed by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. It was an incredible privilege to learn from, and with, people who had experienced 9/11 and terrorism up close, and I was able to achieve my long-time goal of earning a master’s degree. I wish it had been under different circumstances, though.

Twenty years later I still feel the grief–my own and that of the people who lost their loved ones at the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and in Shanksville, PA. As Sept. 11 approaches each year, I feel the same kind of sadness that I do at the approach of the yearly anniversary of my mother’s death and the deaths of other loved ones. On 9/11 I know that America is remembering, too, and sharing my grief, and that comforts me.

One specific and unique event I remember during the initial days of the 9/11 operation in Iowa was a conversation I had with a private crop duster pilot and local airport official at a small rural airport where I had to explain why it was absolutely imperative that the pilot not leave the ground, given the current rules of engagement expressed by the military to enforce no fly orders over the entire continental United States. Very intense!!

Professionally, 9/11 caused many changes in the types of jobs and assignments I would encounter. These jobs and assignments ranged from extensive planning efforts, to development of a fusion center intelligence-sharing concept for Iowa, to delivery of homeland security related programs and grants. For me, personally, I felt I had to make the decision that I could not continue my part-time military career and balance that with my full-time job with the Division and the stress that likely multiple military deployments would cause for my family. So I made a decision to retire from the National Guard much earlier than I had planned. With many personal friends in the military, the deployments were always on my mind.

Professionally, there has been a clear demarcation of my career prior to 9/11 and since. There have been so many interesting, rewarding, and sometimes frustrating challenges as the division became a department and as homeland security initiatives and programs have been implemented and then blended into the overall concepts for how a nation, states, and communities prepare for emergencies and disasters.  Looking back, it’s daunting to think about how many resources have been dedicated to trying to ensure that an event like 9/11 never happens again and yet, the ongoing threat of terrorism remains real and our efforts related to natural hazards and resulting disasters has continued. If you had told me 20 years ago that terrorism and homeland security concerns would be as pronounced today as they were in the days and years following 9/11, I probably would not have believed it.

As a mom to three young boys, I was terrified of what the attacks would mean for their future. Could there be more attacks in the U.S., even in Iowa? I felt that they were safe at school, so I knew we at Emergency Management Division had to get to work and be able to respond to the State Emergency Operations Center in whatever means that were necessary. We worked many long hours in the days and weeks that followed, supporting our state emergency response. One memory that I had, was at our local grocery, they set up televisions at each of the checkout lanes, so people could watch current events–this was before smartphones–so people were glued to the television. Local television stations were covering the 9/11 attacks 24/7.

Looking back 20 years, I have mixed emotions on the vulnerability of the U.S. from outside attacks. I am very saddened that thousands of people lost their lives,and nothing can be done to bring them back.